Social Bunny

Part of me... well, most of me... is very excited by the fact that it's become December overnight. I can finally see the end of this intriguing, yet often quite annoying, spell in London. Of course, I'll be back next year for even more sillyness, but I feel like a good break will give me a chance to recharge and make everything seem quite new again.

But the other part of me is the sensible part, which is telling me that once more I shouldn't be wishing my life away. I've written about this in the past, how as a child I used to do this all the time as I couldn't wait to grow up. I'm sure most people did. But now I should be taking every last bit out of my life and enjoying it to the full. That's not happening at the moment. My life is not really my own until the day I finally graduate from all of this - forthcoming summer 2009 if all goes to plan. Until then there will always be a part of my mind telling me that I can't wait for all this to end. Who knows what's around the corner? I might live to regret wishing away the best years of my life if something bad were ever to happen.

So my mind sits in its usual dilemma. Meanwhile, it has also been looking back. Last night I suddenly remembered just how well my trip to America went. I can't accept that I will never go back and do the "campfire counselor" job again, but it always looks like that when I examine it. I would love to go back next summer, but the opportunity is almost zero. It might be possible the year after, but who knows. Until recently I had accepted that I would never go back, but now I've reminisced and brought back so many good memories I seem to have changed my mind. Not very good.

It's possible that I'm just dreaming up scenarios and looking forward to something - anything - that would get me away from here and allow me to feel happy that some form of social interaction is on the way! That sounds silly, but I really am beginning to regret only living with one other person. It's such a massive departure from living with a large family, and then a large group of students. I like to know I'm coming back to a house full of people all getting on with their lives and all doing different things. Here I'm living with someone doing exactly the same as me. This is quite tedious. And I certainly don't have the time, money or the inclination to go out with work colleagues all the time to free me from this curse. I did the other night - and it worked (including the acceptance of the surreal aspect of going the pub with my MP) ... but I spend enough hours of the day with these people, and though I count most of them as friends in some form, I don't think they make good drinking companions. Besides, I spend enough of my life with them already in work.

So I'm left wishing for things to change so that I can do things with other people. Christmas is now just around the corner - and in my mind no other event in the year comes close to it for its social value. If I were a character in a Sims game, my social level would be very close to zero. In cases such as this, a rather odd, Donnie Darko inspired, bunny appears, which the character can talk to and thus improve their social points.

I've not quite reached that stage yet, but if I had to hang on here any longer than I'm sure it wouldn't be far off. Insanity here we come!